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TEAM TITAN |
This is my version of events from my days as a 25 year old in Auckland when I left my job to pursue my childhood dream of becoming a professional squash player. Filled with the highs of wins on the Squash court and lows of losses, injuries and adverse times, these accounts unfold a story of daring to dream and to pursue those dreams - both personal and professional - no matter what came in the way.
Continuing to Dream
I still find myself dreaming. I dream to hopefully win another PSA title - maybe the NZ Classic. I dream to qualify for the World Championships and play the best I have ever played.I dream of being the fittest and strongest I have ever been.
And as coaching takes priority these days, I dream for the juniors I coach to do great things. Luke Jones selection into the New Zealand junior men's team, him winning Nationals and both him and Kaitlyn Watts getting awards are all dreams come true. All the juniors making excellent progress is a part of the process and results are sure to come.
On the work side of things, I have realised another dream - being able to sponsor squash players. The more I do that, the better I feel.
Dreaming and working hard towards realising these dreams is the only way of life for me.
10/10/14
10/10/14
The Dream Continues
As the season kicks off in Europe and North America, it has just come to an end here in New Zealand. If I were to make plans in any way similar to the last four years, I would be on the plane once again to Europe to play more Squash. However this time, I have decided to approach things differently - I am allowing myself an off season. I look forward to my first summer in four years and above all, a break after 8 squash seasons.
Playing two seasons a year were mandatory for me to survive as a squash player. The tournaments in NZ and the league matches in Europe helped cover most expenses. I loved playing matches and that was another reason that kept me going. However, without a summer and the needed break and off season training, the quality in performance is limited. This has exactly been the case with me.
So what next?
The Decision
I believe I still have it in me to play better squash. The dream continues …
A Squash Player's Journal - proudly sponsored by TEAM TITAN
The Dream Continues
As the season kicks off in Europe and North America, it has just come to an end here in New Zealand. If I were to make plans in any way similar to the last four years, I would be on the plane once again to Europe to play more Squash. However this time, I have decided to approach things differently - I am allowing myself an off season. I look forward to my first summer in four years and above all, a break after 8 squash seasons.
The serenity of the South Island was a perfect place to think about things. After much thought, deliberation and consultation, I have decided to give it one more go and pursue my squash goals next year. I would like to see how I perform after a rejuvenating yet hard summer – something I have never done before. There have been some patches here and there where I trained hard but never was there a full on summer where I have put myself to the task of getting super-fit. Time for a break and some hard off season training.
I believe I still have it in me to play better squash. The dream continues …
A Squash Player's Journal - proudly sponsored by TEAM TITAN
European Highlights
I returned from Europe after approximately three years. As I think of my time there, I think of life, travels, training, squash and a huge amount of fun times. It will be hard to write about everything but the highlights are certainly worth an effort.
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| At the Vatican |
Squash was tough in Europe - the depth was strong and the competition fierce. And even though stepping out of one's comfort zone is important but constant discomfort can have a drastic effect on performance. Even though I liked being away from NZ in some ways, I missed being based back there even more.Europe certainly hardened me up in more ways then one. Winning wasn't easy, neither frequent. If a loss teaches us a lot I must be a very learned man. Even though my squash kept on improving, getting results were a different issue - I lost a lot. However, there were a few good wins to cherish as well.
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| British Grand Prix 2010 |
A few matches stand out in my mind. I remember being 1-2 and 1-7 down against Alan Clyne in a final in Tenerife. I remember telling myself that I wanted this title badly and rallied hard to win the fourth and later the fifth to win the 2009 Spanish open. Another tournament to remember was the 38th Swiss open in 2010 where I beat good friend Steve Finitsis in the final to give me my second European title. The team wins in Dutch and Austrian league competitions in the last two years were special as well.
However, the most memorable match was a loss. After getting through the qualifying rounds in the 2010 British Grand Prix, I was up against one of my favourite players - Stewart Boswell. I might have had a few wins against him early in our junior days but hadn't even won a game in our five prior meetings on the PSA world tour.I played out of my skin to take Stewart to a fifth game. He proved too strong for me in the end but it did wonders for my confidence.
Training
My best training memories are from my runs around the canals in Leiden. The sight of the parks around it was breathtaking. The water as if leading and encouraging you to the finish line. I would do various runs on the 8k track along the canal around the city. Fartlek, interval, steady and tempo runs - all helped me a lot. Uphill runs are hard to find in Netherlands. I would run up the stairs in the Burcht - a man made hill that is the citadel of this historic city.
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| Singel canal around Leiden |
I travelled a lot for squash - I went everywhere I could and thoroughly enjoyed the experiences. However, it was the trips made without my squash bag that stood out for me. I would take time out at the end of every squash season and explore a new place. A four day trip to Rome the first year was excellent as I walked around in this living museum of art and history with amazement. A thorough walking tour of London showed me things I had never seen in tens of previous visits. The most memorable trip was our last year's road trip from Holland to Paris - a great way to look around. Planned for my sister on her finishing school, I thoroughly enjoyed the relaxing and valueable trip. I had never seen Paris so thoroughly - it was beautiful! Budapest and Vienna were planned for this year and what a great way to finish my time in Europe - in my favourite city of all - Vienna.
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| Road trip to Paris - April 2010 |
Living in Europe was an excellent experience - one I would highly recommend. The cultures are rich and vary even within a few hours distance. The languages are beautiful, the cities and countries breathtaking and the people lovely. The best thing about living in Europe was its open borders, giving a sense of freedom and friendliness. We all know that the place wasn't always like that and they have learnt and improved with experience. They have joined together to form one peaceful place leading mankind to bigger things. The whole world can learn from this.
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| Fontana de Trevi - Rome |
Life in Europe
Life in Europe was fun - to say the least. So much so, that the comforts of New Zealand were soon forgotten over the discomforts of life as a foreigner - temporarily atleast. The Passat was replaced by a push bike and anonymity preferred over familiarity. I was on a very exciting but greatly challenging adventure - in more ways than one.
Leiden Windmill - The Valk
Living in The Netherlands was very convenient and comfortable. The tallest nation in the world is well versed in English and accustomed to foreigners - making life easy. The infrastructure is excellent, the set up suitable and the buildings well heated for the sub zero winters. The most impressionable aspect of Dutch life is their bike culture - everyone rides bicycles. Kids, students, adults even the prime minister rides his bike. In the second world war, the Dutch even fought the invading military tanks on their bicycles. There are bike lanes everywhere, encouraging people to stay fit and save on costs associated with motor transport, through this excellent habit. Certainly a contributing factor to the success of the nation.
A Dutch farming horse
Once settled in The Netherlands, I started working on another goal of mine - to learn a new language. Dutch is the closest language to English and even though the grammar remains a challenge, most words are easy to register. Even more interesting to me were the cultural aspects of the speech. I found the language more traditional and less evolved than English - in a good way. For example they still use mister or miss when addressing someone verbally. They always say 'alsjeblieft' (if you please) in politeness when giving something to anyone. They still dont have a word for gloves - they call these hand shoes. Nor for a plane - its called a flying machine. Potatoes are called earth apples. Very interesting and amusing at the same time. Multlilingual through heritage, I could appreciate the different terms in cultures and languages. I thought it was beautiful.
Kobehavn town centre
Travel in borderless Europe is a treat to travel around. Frequent visits to various countries meant I experienced an overwhelming amount. Different languages, cultures and ways of life in the continent are certainly an enlightening experience. The central location of The Netherlands and the excellent flight connections from Schiphol meant we could fly directly to anywhere. Whether it was north, south, east or the British Isles and Ireland, we flew there conveniently. It was so tempting to drift off to other exciting destinations but I would stick to business. Squash took me to a lot of lovely places and historic cities. Unlike my younger days, I always took time to have a look around the places. I saw a lot in my time in Europe - completely satisfying my desire of experiencing the region.
Prague - December 2011
Survival as a squash player is hard as it is - let alone in a foreign place. It was not all rosy for me in my overseas adventure as tough times lay ahead. I dealt with every hardship in light of the pride of being a professional sportsman. Europe hardened me up as as I had to fight adversity, time and time again.
Right in the middle of my first season, I tore my left calf on court and the downward slide in the rankings began. Playing in New York and Sweden when not fully recovered were poor decisions. I played well in Canberra and Manchester later in the year but yet another injury (or accident I should say) at the start of the following season set me back another three months. This time a torn hamstring, slipping on sweat on court in Niagara. It was a tough time indeed. Injury meant no squash and no squash meant no income - I was left penny less.
Dutch league champions 2012
Winning in Luxembourg, the Swiss in Geneva and in Adelaide in 2011 brought the confidence back a little. Another goal was achieved when I won my 10th tour title - the South Australian Open. However, right at the start of the European season, I tore my hamstring again (this time the left) I slipped on sweat again in Valencia. I was out for another two months. Hobbling back from Valencia to Barcelona with my two bags, trying to catch my flight was one of the lowest moments of career. I missed the flight but I would battle on. Bigger tournaments (vital for ranking hikes) stayed out of reach for one reason or the other. Finals in small events in Warsaw and Prague were good comebacks but not good enough to turn around the slump in ranking.
Squash not going my way didn't stop me from enjoying Europe. Afterall, it was all supposed to be fun. This attitude resulted in me continuously enjoying my travels around the continent and writing about them. On the other side, a small reward on the squash court came in the form of a surprise win for my team Squash Zwolle, winning the Dutch league. A good little souvenir to take back from my time in The Netherlands.
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| Leiden Windmill - The Valk |
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| A Dutch farming horse |
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| Kobehavn town centre |
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| Prague - December 2011 |
Right in the middle of my first season, I tore my left calf on court and the downward slide in the rankings began. Playing in New York and Sweden when not fully recovered were poor decisions. I played well in Canberra and Manchester later in the year but yet another injury (or accident I should say) at the start of the following season set me back another three months. This time a torn hamstring, slipping on sweat on court in Niagara. It was a tough time indeed. Injury meant no squash and no squash meant no income - I was left penny less.
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| Dutch league champions 2012 |
Winning in Luxembourg, the Swiss in Geneva and in Adelaide in 2011 brought the confidence back a little. Another goal was achieved when I won my 10th tour title - the South Australian Open. However, right at the start of the European season, I tore my hamstring again (this time the left) I slipped on sweat again in Valencia. I was out for another two months. Hobbling back from Valencia to Barcelona with my two bags, trying to catch my flight was one of the lowest moments of career. I missed the flight but I would battle on. Bigger tournaments (vital for ranking hikes) stayed out of reach for one reason or the other. Finals in small events in Warsaw and Prague were good comebacks but not good enough to turn around the slump in ranking.
Squash not going my way didn't stop me from enjoying Europe. Afterall, it was all supposed to be fun. This attitude resulted in me continuously enjoying my travels around the continent and writing about them. On the other side, a small reward on the squash court came in the form of a surprise win for my team Squash Zwolle, winning the Dutch league. A good little souvenir to take back from my time in The Netherlands.
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| Karlov Most, Prague - one of my favourite structures |
The Move to Europe
I had always wanted to experience Europe
thoroughly. I thought if I ever got a chance, it would be great to live there. Learn
a different language, know different cultures, visit historic cities – it would
be just great. I was fascinated by the diversity of the continent. Over seven
hundred million people spread over fifty countries, speaking over forty
languages – the continent was no less than a dreamland for a history lover like
myself.
Brad, Steve and I - at Cat Steven's concert in Dublin
It was a chance meeting with fellow squash
player and now, good friend Bradley Hindle that led me to move to The
Netherlands. We were both in Clare for the Australian Open and I asked him how
Holland was treating him. He asked if I was interested in moving to Europe. He
had a room free at his place and offered it to me. I was to share with another
familiar face, Steve Finitsis – an added bonus. The following week I had made a
decision to move and two months later in September
2009, I arrived at Brad’s place in Almere – with two bags.
The move would prove to be a good change
for me. It would get me out of my comfort zone in NZ and closer to the squash
world tour. There were plenty of tournaments around – all within a couple of
hours travel away. I started making contacts with clubs for league matches
around Europe. Training was excellent as we learnt various things off each
other and contributed in our own way. We would discuss, plan, get on court
together and then review videos regularly. We were motivated, keen and
determined. All on our own and similar ages, we created a positive, energetic
and enjoyable environment for ourselves.
The 5 minutes bike ride to the local squash
club had the classic Dutch scenery of canals and bike paths. Centrepoint Almere was a huge facility
and along with squash courts it also had indoor tennis, badminton and a big gym
as well. The apartment was just the right size and located conveniently in the
centre of this relatively new Dutch city. The supermarket was right in front of
our building and the local hang out spots were all within 5 minutes distance. A
10 minutes walk to the local train station and a 20 minutes train ride to
Schiphol made life easy for us frequent travelers.
Soon after moving in, I was planning
travels to various tournaments around Europe. With the nearest PSA event to
Auckland being an 8 hour trip to Clare, the journeys from my new base seemed as
long as daily commutes in most big cities. Not only was I saving time but my
travel expenses were cut down by half. There was also no worrying of jet lag
and travelling through time zones. The move to Europe was proving fruitful
already. I was settling in comfortably and loving it. To
top it off, the year ended with my first European PSA title – the Spanish Open.
Next: Life in Europe
Dealing with adversities
The year 2009 brought major issues for me - both positive and negative. However, it wasn't before I was deeply tested, that I could find answers to deal with these issues.
Following a less than average tour of North America at the start of the year, the back was worse than ever before. After various tests and x-rays it came to light that I have an elongated bone on one side and that might be the cause of all the trouble. The doctor recommended surgery, otherwise I wouldn't be able to play again. However, he was also said that there was no guarantee it would eradicate the problem. To be off from Squash for six months seemed unaffordable - especially when results weren't guaranteed. I didnt know what to do.
On top of this a major issue arose - probably the worst I've had to face. Squash New Zealand decided to end my contract abruptly and strip me of all funding. I got an email with an attachment at the start of June without any reasoning. I was at training everyday and no one mentioned anything to me in person - not the coach, not the high performance manager - no one. Sure, there were problems but such a drastic step in such a strange way left me very angry. All of a sudden, I was down in the dumps.
I started getting calls and messages of support from people all around NZ. I was still the highest ranked male player in the country and had reached a career high of 36 in the world rankings in May - a month before the incident. A bad back, no financial backing, a lot of confusion and uncertainty caused me to go into a near depressed state. A friend asked me what I would do and he wasn't sure if I should still keep playing. It was at that point I decided that I will keep playing and not stop at others terms. Not only that, I would work harder than ever before to be even better and enjoy it even more. Nothing was going to stop me from pursuing my dreams.
After a few hard weeks I did exactly that. I saw a physio who had dealt with the problem I had. He suggested exercises and hoped that they would work. They did work and I managed to stay on top of my condition. I trained hard and got myself ready for tournaments. I won the nationals for a 5th time. I also decided to move to Europe to be closer to international competition. This gave me a much needed change - one that would open new doors for me. I was excited!
Over in Europe, I started beating better players straightaway. In the British Open I beat a seed in the qualifying draw to reach the main draw and upset 15th seed Mohammaed Shorbagy to reach the last 16 of the the prestigious event. I also helped the NZ team finish in the top 10 in the World Men's Team Champs - our best finish for a long time. By the end of the year I also had the Spanish Open title to my name. I was over the moon.
My determination had turn things around for me. From adversities to new highs - I stood proud.
I had always wanted to experience Europe
thoroughly. I thought if I ever got a chance, it would be great to live there. Learn
a different language, know different cultures, visit historic cities – it would
be just great. I was fascinated by the diversity of the continent. Over seven
hundred million people spread over fifty countries, speaking over forty
languages – the continent was no less than a dreamland for a history lover like
myself.
Brad, Steve and I - at Cat Steven's concert in Dublin
It was a chance meeting with fellow squash
player and now, good friend Bradley Hindle that led me to move to The
Netherlands. We were both in Clare for the Australian Open and I asked him how
Holland was treating him. He asked if I was interested in moving to Europe. He
had a room free at his place and offered it to me. I was to share with another
familiar face, Steve Finitsis – an added bonus. The following week I had made a
decision to move and two months later in September
2009, I arrived at Brad’s place in Almere – with two bags.
The move would prove to be a good change
for me. It would get me out of my comfort zone in NZ and closer to the squash
world tour. There were plenty of tournaments around – all within a couple of
hours travel away. I started making contacts with clubs for league matches
around Europe. Training was excellent as we learnt various things off each
other and contributed in our own way. We would discuss, plan, get on court
together and then review videos regularly. We were motivated, keen and
determined. All on our own and similar ages, we created a positive, energetic
and enjoyable environment for ourselves.
The 5 minutes bike ride to the local squash
club had the classic Dutch scenery of canals and bike paths. Centrepoint Almere was a huge facility
and along with squash courts it also had indoor tennis, badminton and a big gym
as well. The apartment was just the right size and located conveniently in the
centre of this relatively new Dutch city. The supermarket was right in front of
our building and the local hang out spots were all within 5 minutes distance. A
10 minutes walk to the local train station and a 20 minutes train ride to
Schiphol made life easy for us frequent travelers.
Soon after moving in, I was planning
travels to various tournaments around Europe. With the nearest PSA event to
Auckland being an 8 hour trip to Clare, the journeys from my new base seemed as
long as daily commutes in most big cities. Not only was I saving time but my
travel expenses were cut down by half. There was also no worrying of jet lag
and travelling through time zones. The move to Europe was proving fruitful
already. I was settling in comfortably and loving it. To
top it off, the year ended with my first European PSA title – the Spanish Open.
Next: Life in Europe
I had always wanted to experience Europe
thoroughly. I thought if I ever got a chance, it would be great to live there. Learn
a different language, know different cultures, visit historic cities – it would
be just great. I was fascinated by the diversity of the continent. Over seven
hundred million people spread over fifty countries, speaking over forty
languages – the continent was no less than a dreamland for a history lover like
myself.
 |
| Brad, Steve and I - at Cat Steven's concert in Dublin |
It was a chance meeting with fellow squash
player and now, good friend Bradley Hindle that led me to move to The
Netherlands. We were both in Clare for the Australian Open and I asked him how
Holland was treating him. He asked if I was interested in moving to Europe. He
had a room free at his place and offered it to me. I was to share with another
familiar face, Steve Finitsis – an added bonus. The following week I had made a
decision to move and two months later in September
2009, I arrived at Brad’s place in Almere – with two bags.
The move would prove to be a good change
for me. It would get me out of my comfort zone in NZ and closer to the squash
world tour. There were plenty of tournaments around – all within a couple of
hours travel away. I started making contacts with clubs for league matches
around Europe. Training was excellent as we learnt various things off each
other and contributed in our own way. We would discuss, plan, get on court
together and then review videos regularly. We were motivated, keen and
determined. All on our own and similar ages, we created a positive, energetic
and enjoyable environment for ourselves.
The 5 minutes bike ride to the local squash
club had the classic Dutch scenery of canals and bike paths. Centrepoint Almere was a huge facility
and along with squash courts it also had indoor tennis, badminton and a big gym
as well. The apartment was just the right size and located conveniently in the
centre of this relatively new Dutch city. The supermarket was right in front of
our building and the local hang out spots were all within 5 minutes distance. A
10 minutes walk to the local train station and a 20 minutes train ride to
Schiphol made life easy for us frequent travelers.
Soon after moving in, I was planning
travels to various tournaments around Europe. With the nearest PSA event to
Auckland being an 8 hour trip to Clare, the journeys from my new base seemed as
long as daily commutes in most big cities. Not only was I saving time but my
travel expenses were cut down by half. There was also no worrying of jet lag
and travelling through time zones. The move to Europe was proving fruitful
already. I was settling in comfortably and loving it. To
top it off, the year ended with my first European PSA title – the Spanish Open.
Next: Life in Europe
Dealing with adversities
The year 2009 brought major issues for me - both positive and negative. However, it wasn't before I was deeply tested, that I could find answers to deal with these issues.
Following a less than average tour of North America at the start of the year, the back was worse than ever before. After various tests and x-rays it came to light that I have an elongated bone on one side and that might be the cause of all the trouble. The doctor recommended surgery, otherwise I wouldn't be able to play again. However, he was also said that there was no guarantee it would eradicate the problem. To be off from Squash for six months seemed unaffordable - especially when results weren't guaranteed. I didnt know what to do.
On top of this a major issue arose - probably the worst I've had to face. Squash New Zealand decided to end my contract abruptly and strip me of all funding. I got an email with an attachment at the start of June without any reasoning. I was at training everyday and no one mentioned anything to me in person - not the coach, not the high performance manager - no one. Sure, there were problems but such a drastic step in such a strange way left me very angry. All of a sudden, I was down in the dumps.
I started getting calls and messages of support from people all around NZ. I was still the highest ranked male player in the country and had reached a career high of 36 in the world rankings in May - a month before the incident. A bad back, no financial backing, a lot of confusion and uncertainty caused me to go into a near depressed state. A friend asked me what I would do and he wasn't sure if I should still keep playing. It was at that point I decided that I will keep playing and not stop at others terms. Not only that, I would work harder than ever before to be even better and enjoy it even more. Nothing was going to stop me from pursuing my dreams.
After a few hard weeks I did exactly that. I saw a physio who had dealt with the problem I had. He suggested exercises and hoped that they would work. They did work and I managed to stay on top of my condition. I trained hard and got myself ready for tournaments. I won the nationals for a 5th time. I also decided to move to Europe to be closer to international competition. This gave me a much needed change - one that would open new doors for me. I was excited!
Over in Europe, I started beating better players straightaway. In the British Open I beat a seed in the qualifying draw to reach the main draw and upset 15th seed Mohammaed Shorbagy to reach the last 16 of the the prestigious event. I also helped the NZ team finish in the top 10 in the World Men's Team Champs - our best finish for a long time. By the end of the year I also had the Spanish Open title to my name. I was over the moon.
My determination had turn things around for me. From adversities to new highs - I stood proud.
'08 - Breaking the barrier
.JPG) |
| Australian Open final 2008 |
Being ranked amongst the top 40 in the world brought in the needed sponsorship. This meant I could travel to bigger events regularly to help push the ranking up. The plan was to try and qualify for Super series events and test myself against the best.
The hectic travelling schedule in the first half of 2008 took some getting used to but I got some decent matches under my belt. Lincou in Oregon, Willstrop in Kuwait, Grant in Dublin and a close five setter against Mossad in KL - I was in uncharted territory.
However, a decent result only came at the start of the second half of the year when I got back to Australia for the resurgent Aussie Open. Nursing a back injury through the event, I managed wins against respectable opponents to gain a spot in the final. Even though I went down 3-0 against the legendary David Palmer, reaching the final itself was very encouraging. I was on the track that I had envisioned myself on at the start of the year.
The northern hemisphere trip was another 36 hour journey from Auckland to Wolverhampton - where the good form continued. Next, I had the World Open in Manchester where I was drawn against world no.11 Azlan Iskandar. I remember being 0-2 down and telling myself I am not going to lose this one'. With the full support of the Kiwi contingent, I managed to sneak a win against the 11th seed - I was through to the last 32 of the biggest event on the calendar.
Troubled by the back once again, I went down to a determined Alister Walker in the next round. However, for me the job was done - I had proven to myself that I could beat these guys. The confidence was setting in - the barrier was broken.
2007 - Going Big
Back in New Zealand and my confidence was high. I claimed back the national title - my third. Auckland Squash found sponsorship to host a 10k international event. I managed to keep up my record at home and won it convincingly. Another title came in shape of another 10k event in Malaysia NSC circuit. I hadn't lost a match and felt ready to take on the bigger tournaments - which was a whole new ball game.
I made main draw of the Hong Kong Open which was great but was shown the door by Boswell in the first round. The world open was in Bermuda that year and it was a big call to go all the way there to qualify. I did make it there but narrowly missed out on a main draw spot - losing in 5 to Kempy in the last round of qualification. The tournament was the best I had seen and I had a great stay there with my host.
Next stop was the world team championships in India. After some difficulties with the visa and a lot of travelling and hassle, I finally got there one night before the event and not the best prepared. However, we did well as a team improving on our previous finish and carrying on the steady progress. I had also broken into the top 40 for the first time by the end of the year.
It was time for a break as I felt broken by all the travelling and Squash. And what a great break it was!
Initial goal(s) achieved
In February 2007 I was happily back in New Zealand. The crisp NZ summer sun felt great - especially after facing the wrath of European winter. I caught myself smiling - sometimes for no reason at all. It was great to be back.
As for Squash, I had to plan and prepare again - this time from New Zealand. There were also mental demons to be shrugged off. I had failed to achieve my target of being amongst the top 50 in the world and it was playing on my mind. Was it all worth it? Will I ever be good enough to compete against the players on the tour? It wasn't easy - I couldn't just go to the gym and fix it. I had to find the answers within me - if I could.
Preparation helped build the confidence and after a couple of months I began another journey - this time to Asia. A last 16 appearance in Kuala Lumpur got me closer and a semi final in Pakistan would do the job. Feeling the pressure, I went 0-2 down but played out of my skin after that to win the quarter final in five hard games. When the rankings came out I was within the top 50. The first goal was achieved, the initial target met. I returned to NZ with much appreciation and encouragement from the local Squash community. I was the first player to reach the milestone on the men's tour since Glen Wilson and Paul Steel.
It wasn't that I thought 50 in the world was a great rank - not at all. It was for myself to believe that I could compete against the guys who had been training for all these years I had studied and worked. Some of them I had passed since getting back on the tour and most of them were in close sight - now that I was on the same page of the list as the top boys. It was a great feeling and an opportunity to aim even higher.
In May 2007 I also achieved a personal goal when I paid off all my student loan. The last bit coming from the prize money from the semi final in Pakistan. It was double success and it felt twice as good.
A Tough First Year
Getting back on the
tour full time was not as easy as I thought it would be. The year 2006 saw me try harder and travel further
but the goal of reaching the top 50 in the world eluded me. My first tour to
Europe was an eye opener as I faced jet lag for the first time. I had travelled
30 hours from Auckland to Milan and given myself 3 days to recover. It wasn’t
enough time – as I found out the hard way. In the second game, I literally
could not move on court anymore – certainly a new experience.
I got better for the
second event in Switzerland a week later. After getting past our own Callum
O’Brien, I took out the top seed in the quarters. Even though I went down in
the semis, the event was a big confidence booster for me. The drive from Italy
to Switzerland and through the lovely country took a permanent place in my
memory and reminded me of the positives of travelling.
Towards the end of
the year and at the start of the northern hemisphere season, I took up base in
England with the Kiwi boys. Apart from
better guidance, we expected better games and matches against higher ranked
players. The move was mostly successful but living away from home was hard. We
were there for a reason and I hung in there keeping the goals in mind.
However, I was still outside the top 50 and it was getting to me. After a full
year and a lot of hard work and sacrifices I still couldn’t get there. On top
of that, I felt quite unsettled and for the last month of the year I hardly slept – I couldn’t get myself to
sleep no matter how tired I was. The first year ended without much success
and after three months at the base in
England I decided to head back to New Zealand – for now atleast.
The Second Innings
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| British Grand Prix 2009 |
Over the years and all around the world, a lot of people have asked me why I decided to play for New Zealand. The question always takes me back to Albert park in Auckland where I made the hard but simple decision and the reason behind the change.
I had played for the Pakistan junior team in the Asian and World junior Championships. I also made the senior team for the Commonwealth Games in 1998 - a memorable event. I took pride in representing a nation with an outstanding record of achievements and history in the sport of my choice. Pakistan is where I'm originally from and nothing changes that nor the pride that comes with it - being from one of warmest cultures in the world.
But NZ was now home. I had very consciously and willing decided to move and live there. I settled very well and made felt a part of the place. Kiwiana was slowly but surely absorbing in my blood. I was a Kiwi now - a Pakiwi. I also owed my return to International Squash to all my friends and supporters in New Zealand. If it wasn't for them, I would have never played again. I always remember and appreciate that.
At the start of 2006, I gave myself 5 years to pursue my goals in Squash. I had missed out on 5 years due to study and work and hoped that I'd be able to catch up with the guys on tour in equal amount of time.
And so in January 2006 began, (as Ritwik called it) my second innings in Squash - this time under the New Zealand flag.
The 2005 World Championships
To be a part of the world champs in your sport is a privilege - and that's exactly how I felt - privileged. It was one of my first trips away as a pro and definitely an eye opener to say the least. I bowed out to a resurgent and immaculate Stewart Boswell in the qualifying rounds. After that, I was glued to the matches - not moving for hours at a stretch. Watching the top guys made me realise how far off I was from the highest level in the sport. I had expected so but was hoping to be inspired and not intimidated. Getting hits with some of the better guys was excellent on finding hope. I was back amongst the boys on tour.
The World Team Championships was a whole new ball game. It is the hardest of events, both mentally and physically - especially if you're playing at no.1 for your team. 7 straight days of practicing, thinking and playing squash against players better than oneself is no easy task. With the country's world standing on line, one is determined to push beyond the limits. The most memorable match was against Shabana who was crowned world champion for the second time in HK. As a team, we improved our standing by a couple of spots and got the needed matches to gauge where we stood.
Meeting the guys after so many years was a whole new experience. We caught up and compared how the circuit had changed. They were curious about life in NZ and working behind a desk. It was certainly motivating to see a lot of the guys from my juniors years now competing professionally.
The end of the year also saw a sad end to a personal chapter of my life. It had been a draining struggle and I had decided to move on. The painstaking stress and agony had me doubled over for what seemed like a very long time. I had to find a way to get out of it - a way to get over it. I had to let to let go to survive. If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger then I came out of it feeling like steel just out of a furnace.
So What Next
Even though the decision to go full time was mostly based on desire and ambition, I also had practical reasons to support it. Not only did I have a good junior career to back myself, I had also made a successful comeback to the international circuit. In my second satellite event in Christchurch I beat credible international players to win my first PSA title - from the qualifying rounds. I also took leave from work to play events in Australia - winning atleast once in Western Australia. After five tournaments I was in the top 100 and after another final in Canberra, I was ranked 57 - while still working a 40 hour week.
In any case, the decision was made and now I was a full time squash player - so what next?! Survival was the first thing on my mind. How will I afford to travel to tournaments? Would I be able to survive? Looking back, I must have had a lot of faith in myself to take such a risk. In any case, the pressure was on. Fortunately for me, support came from all around me in all forms. Encouraging messages and moral support from the Squash community all over the country. Financial support from clubs and sponsors alike. Guidance from coaches and senior players. I felt very lucky and things seem to be falling in place.
On court, I had a long way to go. Even though I was playing 6 days a week, I hadnt done any training to support my game. Not enough exposure to better players meant that I was way off and had a lot of catching up to do. The first 6 months were hard - both physically and mentally. I had so much time on my hands now. Was I supposed to train once, like I used to or twice or should I train three times a day to make up for lost time. There was a lot of learning to do and experience to gain.
The first reward came quickly. After winning my second national title, I was offered a spot in the New Zealand team. It was an honour to play for my new homeland and also a dream come true as I always wanted to be a part of the World Championships. A successful application to the World Squash Federation entitled me to a spot in the World Open. Towards the end of the year 2005, I was headed to the World Team Championships in Islamabad with a stopover in Hong Kong for the World Open. I was going to be amongst the big boys with this opportunity of a life time.
The Invaluable Decision
There are many times in life where one stands on crossroads. A decision that will determine how one's life would pan out. Moving out and committing to Squash at a very early age and then choosing to move again to study and then again for work, I've had my fair share of these decisions. Many have followed since then and plenty to come I am sure. However, the most memorable and important one was deciding to leave my day job and take up full time Squash. I was going to be the professional athlete I had dreamt of being as a young boy.
However, I still had the bug that was planted in me since my teen years - to be a professional sportsman. Growing up, I looked up to the larger than life Pakistani sports stars. Even though emulating them was a far cry - I wanted to be atleast on the same path. That desire was still in my system.
Now in Auckland, I had two options - either to keep enjoying my comfortable life or to give myself another chance at professional Squash. As ambitious as I was, leaving the well settled and comfortable lifestyle would not be easy - especially to take up one that of the uncertainty a life in sport brings. Would I ever be able to catch up on the lost time and be competitive against the same guys I played in juniors?! Decisive at the most critical of times, I was in turmoil.
I spoke to many people and got different views and perspectives. Finally, a chat with a sports psychologist made the difference and the decision seemed easy as well the right one. I waited patiently for the right time to act.
I left my job in June 2005 and since then I've been living a dream.
